A few years ago, while we were making omelettes for breakfast, my son asked, “Mom, did I hatch out of an egg from your belly?”
We had discussed menstruation the night before after he barged in on me changing a tampon. “The egg in my ovary wasn’t fertilized this month, so my body gets rid of it with blood, which we call a period.”
So it made sense that he connected the dots as I helped him whisk our eggs with yummy butter and salt.
His charming inquiry led us down a curious path together—how human eggs are different from chicken eggs, that people with penises carry sperm that swims to meet the egg inside people with uteruses. He thought for a moment, his eyes widened, and then he said, “Oh, I get it. You just stick them together.”
"Yes, that's right. You just stick them together," I affirmed. He was five. And that was enough for the day.
This is what real sex education looks like in a family: small, spontaneous, shame-free conversations that evolve as your child grows.
Parents often think they need the perfect script before they start. But what kids really need is presence, honesty, and a sense of safety when asking questions about their bodies and relationships.
You Don’t Need a Perfect Script—You Just Need Support
If you want to feel calm and capable of leading open conversations about bodies, consent, and relationships, join me for Supporting Your Child’s Sexual Health, exclusively inside the Conscious Mommy Community.
In this 45-minute class, I’ll help you understand what sexual health really means for children and how it develops across ages. You’ll gain practical tools to talk about pleasure, privacy, and body safety without shame—and learn how to respond confidently when your child’s curiosity catches you off guard. Together, we’ll explore how to build a family culture that’s open, respectful, and boundaried—so your kids grow up informed, secure, and proud of who they are.
When you enroll in the Conscious Mommy Community, you get:
⭐️ Weekly live classes with Bryana Kappadakunnel, LMFT—covering age-specific parenting guidance (Birth–5, 6–12) and special topics like consent, emotional regulation, and healthy relationships.
⭐️ On-demand access to the full class library—so you can revisit lessons or catch up anytime, even if you can’t attend live.
⭐️ A supportive, like-minded community of mothers—a safe, judgment-free space to ask questions, share stories, and feel grounded in connection.
⭐️ Evidence-based strategies to help you raise confident, body-aware children who understand consent, respect, and healthy boundaries.
⭐️ Direct access to Bryana’s coaching and expertise through live Q&As, reflections, and interactive teaching.
⭐️ Compassionate accountability and encouragement so you don’t just absorb new ideas—you live them, every day, in your parenting.
⭐️ Ongoing clarity and inspiration to help you parent consciously, break cycles of shame, and nurture emotional safety at home.
Let’s help your child grow up knowing their body is good, their questions are safe, and their relationships can be built on trust and respect.
Enroll here.
Why It's Healthy to Start Conversations About Bodies and Sex Early
From the moment children are born, they’re learning about bodies, boundaries, and relationships. Naming body parts with their anatomically correct terms—like vulva, penis, and anus—isn’t “too much information.” It’s the foundation of body safety and body autonomy.
Think about it: are you uncomfortable naming your child's ears, nose, arms, and toes? Those aren't emotionally-charged parts of the body, and so it's easy to use those words casually and comfortably.
Yet because many of us carry unprocessed shame around sex and our own bodies, we often tense up when it’s time to talk about our child’s sexual organs. We substitute names like “cookie,” “flower,” or “pee pee”—words that might seem innocent but actually disconnect children from their bodies and, in some cases, can increase vulnerability to grooming by a sexual predator (who often relies on secrecy or shame to manipulate a child).
When kids understand that every part of their body is normal, they’re more likely to come to you with questions or concerns about their developing sexuality later. Research consistently shows that children who receive open, developmentally appropriate sexual health education are less vulnerable to sexual abuse and tend to delay sexual activity until they feel emotionally ready.
Early conversations about private parts, touch, and consent are not about promoting sexual behavior—they’re about protecting mental health, building inner confidence, and supporting trust in all of your child's important relationships.
Normalizing body talk is just the beginning. It’s equally important to understand what’s typical sexual behavior in children—and what may signal a need for extra support.
Understanding Age-Appropriate Sexual Behavior in Kids
At least once a week, I receive a call from a parent who is suddenly panicked that someone may be harming their child.* These calls are always taken seriously, because there is always a possibility that sexual abuse has occurred.
However, in the vast majority of cases I’ve consulted on, the child’s behavior is developmentally appropriate—and there are no signs, symptoms, or indicators of abuse.
It’s normal to feel alarmed when your child expresses themselves in a “sexual” way. And if you’re ever concerned, trust your intuition and seek professional support. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Still, it’s immensely helpful for parents to understand what typical sexual development looks like. It helps us take a deep breath—and invites us to reflect on the wounds we carry from our own early experiences with sexuality and shame.
Parents often worry when children display curiosity about sexual behavior—touching themselves, playing “doctor,” or asking about body parts. But these behaviors are part of normal sexual development. In fact, they’re often less sexual in nature, especially in early childhood, and more sensual: young children are exploring different sensations and discovering what their bodies can do.
Here are some general guidelines to help you understand what’s typical at each stage:
- Ages 2–5: Curiosity about body differences, touching genitals for comfort, and asking where babies come from.
- Ages 6–9: Increased need for privacy, more detailed questions about relationships or reproduction, and emerging interest in gender or social media content.
- Ages 10–12: Heightened body awareness, early crushes or romantic curiosity, and exposure to peers discussing sex.
- Ages 13+: Possible sexual experimentation for some, developing awareness of sexual orientation and identity, and a growing need for guidance on consent, respect, and boundaries.
Most of these behaviors are healthy and exploratory. What matters most is how adults respond: are we calm and curious, or panicked and projecting shame?
Shame is especially tricky when it comes to a child’s sexual development. Just a few shame-based reactions can create lasting confusion or self-consciousness about their body—which is why this topic feels so sensitive for many parents.
When you model composure, your child learns that their body and questions are safe to bring to you. That’s exactly what we want. We want them to come to us—because if they can’t, they’ll turn to peers or the internet, neither of which will offer reliable or emotionally safe information.
*If your child’s behavior seems secretive, coercive, or clearly mimics adult sexual acts, that’s a signal to seek support from a qualified child therapist or pediatrician.
Answering Your Child’s Questions About Sex
“If you intercourse longer, is the baby born bigger?”
“If a baby grows in your tummy, does it come out when you burp?”
“Does a baby come out with clothes on, or do you have to buy them?”
Kids say the darndest things—and their curiosity about sex and bodies is no exception.
Research consistently shows that the best way to respond to children’s questions is with short, factual answers that match their developmental stage.
For example, if your child asks how a baby is made, your response will depend on their age and maturity:
- Ages 3–5: “A baby grows in a special place called the uterus.”
- Ages 5–7: “A baby starts to grow when a sperm from one person meets an egg from another.”
- Ages 7–10: “The sperm swims to meet the egg inside the uterus. When they come together, they can start growing into a baby.”
The goal isn’t to give every detail—it’s to answer honestly, then stop. Offer a small morsel of information and see how your child responds. Most kids are satisfied with a simple, straightforward explanation. Trust that their continued curiosity will guide when it’s time for more.
When you stay calm, you’re communicating that sexual health is part of overall health—something to understand, not fear.
Knowing what to say is one thing; feeling comfortable saying it is another. Let’s talk about how to manage that discomfort when it arises.
How to Handle Your Own Discomfort Talking About Sex
Growing up, my sexual health was not discussed in any real, productive way.
I was made to feel gross for my body hair and full hips. I was screamed at for having cervical fluid in my underwear. I was traumatized by a full-frontal birth video of a woman screaming as we watched her body practically split open during health class. I was handed an abstinence pledge card to sign as part of my “sex education.”
Sex was framed as something scary, shameful, and punishing—something only “dirty girls” wanted and the rest of us were expected to endure because it’s what men wanted.
Sadly, after almost 15 years of talking with people about their sexual histories, I know these experiences aren’t unique.
Most parents didn’t grow up with open, shame-free conversations about sex. We had questions, but we didn’t always know where it was safe to ask them.
If you feel uncomfortable addressing anything related to your child’s sexual health, that discomfort often comes from your own history of shame or fear. Here’s the comfort I want you to have: it’s okay to be awkward. You don’t need the perfect response. What matters most is regulating your emotions and staying approachable. The rest will unfold naturally.
Try these strategies:
- Pause and breathe. Before answering, take a moment to regulate your body. A calm nervous system helps your child feel safe.
- Name the discomfort. Say, “That’s such a good question. I’m thinking about the best way to explain it.” This models emotional honesty.
- Revisit the topic later. If you freeze, circle back. “I’ve been thinking about your question from earlier—let’s talk about it.”
If you notice persistent anxiety or shame, consider joining the Conscious Mommy Community or watching the Supporting Your Child’s Sexual Health, where I help you practice staying grounded and confident.
As you grow more confident having these conversations, you’ll be ready to expand them beyond anatomy and reproduction into the heart of sexual health: consent, safety, and relationships.
Teaching Consent, Safety, and Healthy Relationships
I had an uncle who insisted that all the women in the family kiss him on the lips. Even at 14, I was still forced to endure one of his slimy pecks, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth.
No one ever told me about the word consent.
In fact, I was warned it would offend him if I said no. He had more authority over my body and boundaries than I did.
And I know I’m not alone. Many parents carry memories of feeling violated or powerless—and feel compelled to break that pattern.
Consent starts long before your child ever hears the word “sex.” It begins with everyday body autonomy:
- Asking, “Do you want a hug?” instead of assuming.
- Teaching that “no” and “stop” must be respected.
- Modeling that privacy is a form of care, not secrecy.
As your kids mature, teach them that healthy relationships are built on respect, honesty, and consent—where both people agree freely, continue to agree, and can change their minds at any time.
Remember: look for the teachable moments. Rather than giving a serious lecture, use everyday situations—a sibling tickle fight, a kiss from a relative, or a scene from a show—to point out what consent looks and sounds like in action.
Children who learn about consent in small, daily moments develop a stronger sense of self-worth and clearer boundaries as teens and adults.
You can teach respect and consent at home, but you can’t always control what your child sees or hears in the world. What you can control is how you help them make sense of it.
When Your Child Sees or Hears Something Inappropriate
In a world saturated with media, it’s almost inevitable that kids will encounter sexual content—whether on social media, TV, or a friend’s device. In fact, roughly half of all adolescents report seeing pornography by age 13, often before any adult has talked to them about it.
This is why it’s important to start talking with your kids early about the fact that they may sometimes see disturbing things online, especially as they begin using the internet independently. This usually happens around elementary school age—though I recommend delaying independent internet access and personal devices for as long as possible. If your child must have a phone, consider one without internet access, like a Gabb phone.
You can keep the conversation general by saying something like:
“The internet is a really big place, and sometimes you can run into gross, mean, upsetting, or sexy stuff that’s meant for adults, not kids. If this happens, you can always come talk to me about it, and you won’t be in trouble.”
Because children often feel embarrassed or afraid to talk about these experiences, it helps to set the expectation early that they can always come to you—no matter what they’ve seen.
If your child does see something explicit, resist the urge to panic or punish. What matters most is keeping the door open for conversation:
"I am sorry you saw that. It's not healthy for children to see that kind of video. I am wondering how it made you feel. Can you tell me what you were thinking or feeling when you saw it?"
Then clarify the difference between fantasy and real relationships—pornography often distorts what consent and authentic connections look like.
Once kids start hearing messages about bodies—from media, peers, or the internet—it’s crucial that your voice becomes the loudest, most compassionate one they hear.
What Parents Can Do to Support Body Confidence in Kids
“You’re going to give him a complex, Bry,” my very honest friend said after I shared my worries about my son’s size. As someone who grew up hearing constant commentary about my body from a woman battling an eating disorder, I knew exactly what she meant—and I’m grateful she had the courage to call me out.
Children learn about their body image and self-worth by observing how their parents talk about their own bodies. Research shows that by age 10, most girls—and more than half of boys—already feel unhappy with how they look. When parents frequently express dissatisfaction with their appearance, children are far more likely to develop negative body image and dieting behaviors.
I thought we’d recovered from the diet pills of the 90s and early 2000s, but with the growing cultural obsession around GLP-1 drugs like Ozempic, we seem to be drifting from the body-positive progress many of us worked hard to embrace.
Let’s not go backward and raise another generation of children who doubt the goodness of their own bodies.
You can support your child’s healthy body awareness by:
- Using neutral language about size and shape (“strong legs,” “your body helps you run fast”).
- Avoiding negative comments about your own appearance.
- Emphasizing what bodies do, not how they look.
When kids feel proud of their bodies, they’re less likely to internalize shame and more likely to make healthy choices about care, hygiene, and relationships.
Final Thoughts: Start Small, Stay Open
Talking about sex doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. You don’t need a perfect script—just a willingness to show up with honesty and compassion.
Every question, every teachable moment, and every calm response adds up to something powerful: a child who grows up knowing their body is good, their questions are safe, and their relationships can be built on trust and respect.
If you want more support, join me for Supporting Your Child’s Sexual Health inside the Conscious Mommy Community. We’ll explore how to raise sexually intelligent children who are informed, confident, and authentically connected to themselves and others.
Because when you meet these conversations with courage and grace, you give your child a gift that lasts far beyond childhood—the unshakable belief that their body, their feelings, and their voice all belong to them.
Relevant Resources:
🔗 Preparing for the Talk with Jen Elledge Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community
📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.
📨 Never miss a new post. Sign up for the Conscious Connection and get our newsletter delivered to your inbox every week.
