As we begin another year, I’m noticing a familiar pressure everywhere I look.
Reset. Optimize. Improve.
This constant hustle for “being better” has found its way into parenting as well.
How many of you felt like you still didn’t do enough for your kids this holiday season—despite that being categorically untrue?
“I should have done more,” my friend told me, despite having a mountain of gifts beneath the tree, a trip planned, and plenty of time for family and friends in the week break.
When is enough, enough? I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of trying to “fix” myself every January.
I’m not a project that needs to be resolved.
I’m a human who is constantly evolving, shifting, and transforming.
And so are you.
So this year, I’m not making resolutions.
The way we’ve been conditioned to pursue growth often keeps parents stuck in the same cycle:
Notice a problem. Blame yourself. Try harder. Burn out. Repeat.
Modern parenting—despite the good intentions of parenting educators like myself—has convinced parents that they are always behind, always missing something, always one strategy away from “getting it right”.
And yet, despite all their admirable effort, many parents feel more exhausted, more disconnected, and less present with their children than ever before.
My bet is that you're over this cycle just as much as I am.
That's why this year, I’m choosing something different.
Not more effort.
More presence.
That means slowing down instead of racing ahead.
Letting go of non-reciprocal relationships with compassion rather than guilt.
Creating space for creativity, play, and emotional honesty.
Deepening connections with people who feel mutual and authentic.
It also means stepping out of the madness of modern parenting culture that tells parents they should always be striving for more while offering ineffective support for the real problems that today’s parents face: lack of community, burn out, overwhelmed by pressure, depression, anxiety, and a general sense of disconnection and discontent.
Inside the Conscious Mommy Community, these are the types of conversations we grow through together.
💫 I cannot promise you a quick fix, but I will help you address your needs head on with a clear plan and accountability.
💫 I don’t tell you to be calmer and send you on your merry way. I personally coach you using somatic tools so that your nervous system can actually experience calm.
From the day I started my work in birth-5 back in 2011, I knew this: a steady, loving approach to parenting that supports the parent, the child, and the child-parent relationship is the key to true healing and transformation.
We are all deserving of healing and health.
Yes, that includes you.
If you’re feeling tired of trying to fix yourself every January, there may be another way forward.
You're Not Broken—So Stop Trying to "Fix" Yourself
If you’re tired of feeling like every hard moment with your child confirms a fear that you’re failing, I want to invite you into our next class inside the Conscious Mommy Community:
The Shame Spiral: Why You Feel Like You’re Failing — And How to Interrupt It
This class is for parents who are doing their best and still feel like it’s never enough. Parents who leave moments of reactivity, shutdown, or overwhelm thinking, Why do I keep ending up here? Parents who know the strategies but still feel hijacked by self-blame afterward.
In this class, we’ll slow down and look at what’s actually happening when shame takes over. Not from a place of self-improvement pressure, but from nervous system awareness, emotional honesty, and compassion.
You’ll learn how to:
- Recognize the shame spiral in real time, before it convinces you that you’re a bad parent
- Understand why shame feels so urgent and convincing, even when you “know better”
- Interrupt the spiral in your body, your thoughts, and your responses, without bypassing your feelings
- Repair with your child without turning the moment into another reason to punish yourself
This isn’t about eliminating mistakes or becoming a calmer version of yourself overnight. It’s about learning how to come back to yourself when parenting feels heavy, charged, or discouraging, and how to stop turning normal struggles into proof that something is wrong with you.
When you enroll in the Conscious Mommy Community, you get a ton additional benefits, including:
⭐️ Weekly live classes with me covering birth through age 12, plus special topics like nervous system regulation, healing childhood conditioning, and becoming an effective family leader.
⭐️ On-demand access to the full class library so you can watch live or on your own time.
⭐️ A thoughtful, judgment-free community of parents who are practicing this work alongside you.
⭐️ Ongoing support and accountability so these insights actually integrate into your daily life.
You don’t need another January reset that tells you to try harder.
You don’t need more pressure to fix yourself.
You need space to understand what’s happening inside you and support that helps you move through it with steadiness and self-respect.
If you’re ready to step out of the shame spiral and into a more grounded, compassionate way of parenting yourself and your child, I’d love to have you with us.
Why Parenting Feels So Hard These Days
What if the problem isn’t that you’re doing parenting wrong?
What if the problem is the constant pressure to fix yourself instead of actually being with yourself?
Parenting has always required effort, emotional investment, and love. What’s changed is the deepening desire that parents heal from thier childhood wounds so that they don't pass their personal baggage along to their children.
This is such an important and beautiful goal, and as the author of Parent Yourself First, I support every parent's intention to grow beyond their traumas, dysfunctional relationships, and difficult life experiences.
But rather than actually helping parents regulate their nervous systems and parent effectively, most parents feel preached at. They're told they should constantly monitor, correct, and improve themselves in order to get parenting right.
There's this underlying fear that if they don't, then they will eff up the kids.
Modern parents are now expected to:
- Heal their childhood wounds
- Regulate their nervous system
- Use the right parenting approach
- Say the right thing at the right time
- Prevent future emotional harm
All while raising children in a fast-paced, overstimulating world with limited support.
It’s no wonder so many parents feel overwhelmed, anxious, and emotionally depleted. When parenting is framed as a personal performance rather than a relational process, self-criticism replaces curiosity. Pressure replaces presence.
The Self-Improvement Trap in Modern Parenting
The self-improvement industry thrives on convincing parents that something is wrong. Not in an obvious way, but subtly. A missed opportunity. A reaction that should have been calmer. A moment that could have been handled better.
Over time, this creates an unconscious belief:
If parenting feels hard, it must be because something is wrong with you.
This belief doesn’t lead to growth. It leads to hypervigilance, shame, and emotional disconnection.
Parents may notice themselves constantly scanning for mistakes, replaying interactions with their child, or fearing they are damaging their children emotionally. Instead of learning through relationship, parenting becomes a browser tab that never closes. Always open. Always running. Always demanding attention.
This is a recipe for burn out. Not just for you. But for your kids, too! No one can truly thrive in this type of psychological environment. It's just too much pressure.
When Parenting Advice Backfires
Well-intentioned parenting advice can unintentionally reinforce this cycle. Strategies are offered without enough support for the emotional state of the parent using them.
When parents are exhausted, anxious, or emotionally overwhelmed, even the best parenting strategies can feel impossible to implement. This often leads to more self-blame rather than the healing.
Parenting doesn’t break down because parents don’t care. It breaks down when parents are asked to function without enough emotional grounding, relational safety, or community.
What Happens When You’re Too Tired to Parent
When parents are depleted, connection suffers. Patience shortens. Creativity disappears. Parenting can begin to feel mechanical or transactional rather than relational.
Some parents notice emotional numbness (Hi, that's me 🙋🏻♀️). Others feel constant worry or guilt. Some feel uncomfortable receiving affection from their children or struggle to enjoy moments of happiness without anxiety.
These responses are not personal failures. They are nervous system responses to chronic stress and unrealistic expectations placed on parents.
Why Fixing Yourself Isn’t the Answer
The belief that parents must constantly improve themselves to be worthy of their role creates distance rather than growth. Children don’t need parents who are perfectly regulated or endlessly self-correcting.
Children need parents who are present. Emotionally available. Willing to repair instead of ruminate. Able to model self-compassion instead of self-criticism.
True growth in parenting doesn’t come from fixing yourself. It comes from softening yourself.
A Conscious Parenting Reframe
Conscious parenting invites a different approach. One that centers relationship over performance and connection over control.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” the question becomes, “What support do I need right now?”
Instead of striving to become a better version of yourself, the focus shifts to becoming more yourself. More grounded. More present. More connected to your child and your own emotional experience.
What to Choose Instead This Year
Rather than resolutions rooted in self-improvement pressure, consider these three practices.
1. Choose Presence Over Performance
Take the time to learn how to slow down to notice what’s happening inside of you and in your relational dynamics.
It’s time to stop trying to be a conscious parent, and instead commit to one of the most important principles of conscious parenting: attunement.
Not everything is a problem to fix.
But when you notice a problem, spend more time listening. Observing.
Presence builds curiosity and is the foundation for responding rather than overreacting, even when emotions are high.
2. Choose Connection Over Obligation
Since 2020, mental health professionals have alerted the public to a serious crisis: parents are burnt out and are lacking a village. Many (if not most) of the parents I work with have limited outside connections, and are unaware that this lack of a support system has a truly negative impact on their mental health.
This year, let’s build our sense of community with the people around us: neighbors, school families, place of worship families, extracurricular families, etc.
That said, put your focus on reciprocal relationships. Not all relationships are mutual. Some drain energy rather than nourish it. Let go of the ones that aren’t going anywhere. It’s okay. You’ll be okay. And so will they.
Choosing connection means investing time and energy where support flows both ways. Healthy connection creates emotional safety, and we all need more of that in 2026.
3. Choose Compassion Over Self-Criticism
It hurts to hear how awfully we can speak to ourselves. We judge, blame, and criticize our every mistake, often in ways we would never speak to our children. Conscious parenting invites a kinder internal dialogue.
Self-compassion is one of the most important steps you can take in your healing journey. Tell yourself, “I’m having a hard time, and that’s okay. It hurts, and that’s okay, too. I messed up, and even that’s okay.”
Because it is all okay. No one is expected to do this perfectly—that’s just your childhood conditioning talking. And you know what? That’s okay that your childhood conditioning talks a lot. You’re in good company, friend.
Getting Support When Parenting Feels Too Hard
Parenting was never meant to be done alone. Support is not a luxury. It’s a necessity.
Community provides perspective, emotional regulation, and relief from the isolation that fuels self-doubt. When parents grow together, the pressure to get everything right begins to soften.
A Different Way Forward
This year doesn’t have to be about becoming better.
It can be about becoming more present. More creative. More connected. More supported.
When parents are supported, children benefit. When parents feel grounded, love flows more freely. When parenting is approached with compassion rather than pressure, growth happens naturally.
Grow With Support This Year
Inside the Conscious Mommy Community, I'll help you explore these ideas together through classes, conversations, and ongoing support. It’s a space for parents who want a thoughtful, emotionally grounded approach to parenting with confidence.
If you’re ready to step out of the self-improvement cycle and into something more sustainable, you’re welcome to join us. Our new class, The Shame Spiral: Why You Feel Like You’re Failing—And How to Interrupt It, is a helpful introduction to all things conscious parenting. Your shame deserves healing and your children will thank you for taking the time to change this pattern. See you in class.
Relevant Resources:
🔗 Shame-Free Parenting Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community
📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.
📨 Never miss a new post. Sign up for the Conscious Connection and get our newsletter delivered to your inbox every week.
