When Astrid first started working with me, she was essentially isolated from her village. Her entire family lived on the East Coast, while she was raising her three kids with her husband on the West Coast.
She had only a few acquaintances, and spent nearly every day alone with her kids.
Her life blurred into a string of losses, each one unraveling her a little more, until she slipped into the quiet, consuming darkness of depression.
She just couldn’t figure out how to make such a big, chaotic world feel more within her reach.
Like sand, her life was slipping through her fingers, and the more she grasped for control, the less control she actually had.
She was drowning in isolation, which seeped into practically every aspect of her existence.
Especially how she parented.
Astrid had virtually no patience for her kids’ shenanigans, and often found herself flipping her lid or mocking them. She just wanted the noise to stop.
She escaped whenever she could — locking herself behind the bathroom door, crying in anguish, wondering how she ended up here.
This “worked” for a while…until the kids caught on to the fight-then-flight pattern, and soon started participating in it.
They learned that to get what you want, you yell and threaten until it happens.
They learned if you don’t want to do something, you run away.
They learned if someone bothers you, you poke fun at them until they retreat.
As Astrid watched her family dynamics unfold, her inner critic grabbed the mic — blaring its message with reckless abandon:
You’re failing at this.
You’re a terrible mom.
You’ve ruined them.
She came to me hoping I’d teach her to be a better mother.
But instead, I helped her become her inner mother.
The inner mother knows that problems like loneliness, isolation, chronic stress, and burnout aren’t about willpower.
Instead, they’re the result of systems that routinely and continuously fail women, mothers, and children, while expecting women to shoulder the blame.
Uncovering her inner mother meant that Astrid needed to reframe her experience:
- She wasn’t failing. She lacked a supportive village who could help her feel seen and acknowledged.
- She wasn’t a terrible mom. She felt crushed by loneliness and isolation.
- She wasn’t ruining her kids. She was doing the best that she could with the internal resources she had.
Loneliness in motherhood is the aching sense that no one really sees how hard this is, how tired you are, or how invisible you’ve become.
Even in Astrid’s case — though she wasn’t completely alone, with a husband and a few friends — she still often wondered:
Why doesn’t anyone notice me?
When will my needs matter to someone else?
Using the inner child healing tools I've explained in my book, Parent Yourself First, I helped Astrid build the 3 essential pillars of connection:
- Connection to self
- Connection to the child
- Connection to community
The impact was stunning:
Astrid began speaking more kindly about herself and quickly became a model of self-compassion and inner gentleness.
She learned how to engage in developmentally appropriate conversations with her kids, eliminating the sarcasm and mockery that had crept into their dynamic.
She became an effective co-regulator, feeling less confused and overwhelmed by her children’s behaviors, emotions, and needs.
And she got involved in her community by forming real friendships and receiving care without feeling the pressure to "pay it back."
⭐️ If you recognize yourself in Astrid’s story, Parent Yourself First: Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You'd Had will guide you through the same transformative process so you can move out of survival mode, reconnect with your child, and finally feel like yourself again.
So many parents feel isolated, disconnected, and unseen after having kids — and not because they’re doing something wrong.
Let’s explore why this happens so often and what you can do about it.
Why Do Parents Feel So Lonely After Having Kids?
Parenting — especially motherhood — is often idealized as a rich season of bliss, joy, and connection.
But after leading mommy and baby groups for almost 10 years, I can say confidently: many mothers feel as if they exist in an emotional desert.
You’re constantly surrounded by people and still feel lonely.
A national survey from Ohio State University’s Wexner Medical Center found that around two-thirds of parents report feeling lonely or isolated at least some of the time — even when they stay in touch with friends or family members.
The reason isn’t lack of company — it’s lack of meaningful connection. Research shows that being around people doesn’t guarantee you feel emotionally supported.
Loneliness improves when interactions are authentic, affirming, and intentional.
Paradoxically, learning to sit with solitude can shift loneliness into a space of self-awareness and emotional regeneration, according to a report from the University of Michigan. In other words, the more you embrace your loneliness and learn to reflect on its presence in your life, the easier it will be to climb out of the hole it tends to create.
This means that you have to broaden your definition of motherhood. You are more than just a parent — you are a thinker, a listener, a creator, a friend. Wearing those hats deliberately reminds your nervous system that your worth isn’t defined solely by this one role.
You are multitudes. And the more you honor all that you are, the less isolated and lonely you will feel.
Additionally, think of loneliness and isolation as sirens, sounding the alarm for more support.
Humans aren’t meant to survive in isolation. We are wired to co-regulate, to seek each other out, to be held in relationship.
Reaching out for a ten-minute phone check-in or requesting a break doesn’t make you a burden. It reconnects you to others and to yourself.
The Hidden Signs of Loneliness in Parenthood
Loneliness in parenting doesn’t always look like sadness. Sometimes, it looks like:
- Snapping at your child and immediately feeling shame
- Withdrawing from conversations with friends because it feels like “too much work”
- Feeling emotionally numb or detached
- Comparing yourself to other mothers and always falling short
- Doubting your ability to be a “good enough” parent
- Believing no one truly understands how overwhelmed you are
These responses are often signs that the nervous system is stuck in a prolonged stress response — either in a heightened state of fight-or-flight or a collapsed freeze state.
In this survival mode, the brain’s negativity bias becomes more pronounced. You become hyper-aware of threats, failures, and unmet needs. You're especially attuned to what isn't working, which can often increase anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.
This chronic stress state distorts how you interpret your child’s behavior, your own competence as a parent, and your ability to connect meaningfully with others.
Knowing how loneliness feels inside for you — and your unique response to it — is the first step toward reclaiming the parts of yourself that get lost when motherhood becomes all-consuming.
“I Feel So Alone Around My Family.” What You’re Really Missing Is Emotional Attunement
Physical presence isn’t the same as emotional attunement.
You can be in a room full of people — your kids climbing on you, your partner asking questions, your phone buzzing with texts — and still feel completely alone.
That’s because what relieves loneliness isn’t just having people around. It’s being emotionally seen, felt, and understood by them.
Emotional attunement is the process of someone tuning into your internal state. They're not just hearing your words, but noticing how you're feeling and responding in a way that conveys care, resonance, and presence.
It sounds like:
- “That sounds really hard. I can see why you’re feeling overwhelmed.”
- “You’ve had a full day. Let me take the kids so you can go rest.”
- “You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
It feels like:
- Making eye contact while you speak, not multitasking
- Listening without jumping in to fix
- Responding to your emotions, not just your behavior
Many mothers share with me that this kind of emotional recognition has been the most powerful antidote to burnout. Because when someone truly feels you, it sends a message your soul has been longing to hear:
You matter.
Your feelings make sense.
You’re allowed to be cared for, too.
Without emotional attunement, even the most physically full environments can feel hollow or unfulfilling. And when you're the one constantly attuning to everyone else, but no one is attuning to you, the emptiness grows.
Why Loneliness Impacts How You Parent
When you’re emotionally depleted, you don’t have the capacity to co-regulate with your child. Your window of tolerance shrinks.
Small things feel enormous. And your child’s behavior — which is often a reflection of their own unmet needs — feels like a personal attack.
In this state, parenting becomes reactionary. You move into control, detachment, or shutdown —strategies that mimic the very isolation you're experiencing internally.
And your kids pick up on this.
They sense when you're not emotionally available. They respond to your disconnection with even more protest, dysregulation, or withdrawal.
It creates a feedback loop:
You feel alone → You disconnect → Your child misbehaves → You feel more alone
The answer isn’t to try harder. It’s to reconnect.
With yourself. With your child. With the people who help you feel less alone.
Rebuilding the 3 Pillars of Connection
When you focus your attention on rebuilding the three pillars of connection, you will shift out of this lonely, overwhelmed state.
1. Connection to Self: Reclaim Inner Safety
Loneliness happens when you lose touch with your own needs, your inner voice, and your right to joy.
Try this:
Take five minutes each morning to ground yourself before the day begins. Place a hand on your heart or belly. Ask, What am I feeling right now? What do I need today?
Repeat an affirmation that reconnects you to your worth:
- “My needs matter.”
- “I don’t have to earn rest.”
- “I am allowed to ask for help.”
You can also explore the Parent Yourself First method, designed to help you build internal safety, so you can meet your child’s emotional needs without losing yourself.
2. Connection to Your Child: Co-Regulate First, Communicate Second
When loneliness warps your perception, you’re more likely to interpret your child’s behavior as disrespect instead of a call for connection.
Shift this by slowing down your response. Focus on co-regulation before correction.
Try this:
- Mirror their emotions: “You’re really upset right now. I get it.”
- Reflect back their words: “You didn’t like it when I said no.”
- Offer comfort before solutions: “Come sit with me. We can work this out together.”
When you aren't running on empty, staying present with your kids is much more accessible. If you find co-regulation a struggle, definitely pick up a copy of my book.
3. Connection to Community: Resist the Urge to Do It All Alone
So many parents feel ashamed to ask for help. But we were never meant to parent in isolation.
Humans are wired for collective caregiving.
Community doesn’t have to be huge. It has to be safe.
Try this:
- Text a friend: “Can you listen to me vent for 10 minutes? I’m struggling.”
- Join a parent group where vulnerability is welcomed, not judged.
- Let someone bring you dinner without offering to “pay them back”.
- Consider joining the Conscious Mommy Community — where healing, learning, and support are our mission.
Connection isn’t a luxury. It’s a protective factor against burnout, depression, and reactive parenting.
You’re Not Alone. You’re Disconnected.
The modern parenting model is broken.
You were never meant to raise children without a village.
You were never meant to suppress your needs for the sake of “being strong.”
And you certainly were never meant to carry the emotional load of a family without anyone having your back.
If you’ve cried in the bathroom, yelled more than you wanted to, or numbed out just to survive the day — it’s time to stop blaming yourself.
And start reconnecting to the parts of you that are worthy of support, tenderness, and rest.
Ready to Stop Parenting From Survival Mode?
In Parent Yourself First: Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids by Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had, you’ll learn how to:
- Reconnect to yourself after years of putting everyone else first
- Break the reactive cycles passed down to you
- Heal the loneliness that makes parenting feel harder than it has to be
Because real change doesn’t begin with strategies or scripts.
It begins with how you care for the person your child depends on most: you.
Relevant Resources:
🔗 Strengthening the Inner Parent Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community
📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.
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