When I was in second grade, my teacher never missed a chance to remind me that “good girls" were polite and quiet. This was confusing considering how loud, talkative, and intense I was...even as an 8 year old.

At church, an elderly woman scolded me for wearing a tank top—though it met the “three-inch” rule. I was 12 years old and couldn't understand why my shoulders were so darn offensive.

In high school, our principal rubbed girls’ shoulders, even pulled some onto his lap. This was completely normalized, and meant you were special in some way.

At my first serving job in New York, the manager made me kiss him on the cheek just to get a table assignment. I needed to eat, so...

In each instance—and, believe me, there are many more—I didn’t feel like I could say no. I sheepishly bowed my head and did what I was told.

I didn’t know I was being conditioned by patriarchal norms designed to control and diminish women and girls.

I just thought I was being a "good girl".

Decades later, a school administrator told me, without irony, that he organizes “men’s nights” because “men don’t like talking to their wives.”

And I thought: It’s still hard being a woman in a man’s world.

We all want to raise girls who speak up, trust their intuition, and know their worth.

But if we’re honest, many of us still carry the social lessons we were taught—don’t be rude, don’t be dramatic, don’t make anyone uncomfortable.

Be pleasant. Be kind. Be helpful.

Be small. Be graceful. Be quiet.

Our mothers unconsciously passed these lessons on to us to help us survive a misogynistic world.

But modern moms—we're different.

We don't want our daughters indoctrinated into a system that values their youth and beauty—and not much else.

We want to empower them to reach their full potential and live happy, healthy lives, free from limitations and harm caused by gender bias.

That’s why we need to bring awareness to the subtle ways sexism still shapes our daughters’ worlds.

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Awareness is powerful, but change requires support and practice.

If you’re noticing how subtle sexism still shows up in your daughter’s world—from school dress codes to “boys will be boys” comments at family gatherings—join me for Protecting Our Daughters from Sexism.

In this 50-minute class, I help you recognize how gender bias quietly shapes girls’ confidence and sense of safety, and give you practical tools to help your daughter trust her instincts, honor her boundaries, and know her worth. You’ll learn exactly how to coach her through tricky social situations, challenge double standards, and raise her to speak up with courage and self-respect.

When you enroll in the Conscious Mommy Community, you get:

⭐️ Weekly live classes with Bryana Kappadakunnel, LMFT—covering age-specific parenting guidance (Birth–5, 6–12) and special topics like body image, consent, strong-willed kids, and emotional regulation.
⭐️ On-demand access to the full class library—so you can revisit lessons or catch up anytime, even if you can’t attend live.
⭐️ A supportive, like-minded community of mothers—a safe, judgment-free space to ask questions, share stories, and feel grounded in connection.
⭐️ Evidence-based strategies to help you support your daughter’s confidence, protect her sense of self, and model equality at home.
⭐️ Direct access to Bryana’s coaching and expertise through live Q&As, reflections, and interactive teaching.
⭐️ Compassionate accountability and encouragement so you don’t just absorb ideas—you live them, every day, in your parenting.
⭐️ Ongoing clarity and inspiration to help you parent consciously, break generational cycles, and raise girls who know their power.

Let's build your daughter's self-worth, teach her to advocate for herself, and develop her resilience against gender-based discrimination. Enroll here.

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Everyday Sexism Starts at Home

Sexism happens everywhere. You see it in kitchens, where women often cook, clean, and serve while men “stay out of the way.”

You see it in classrooms, where dress codes are justified as protecting boys from distraction—as if girls’ bodies are the problem.

You even see it at birthday parties. A mother once told me, “My daughter gets so excited to wear pretty dresses for school. She wants to impress her new boyfriend.” Her daughter was five. The mom seemed proud that a boy’s attention motivated her child to go to kindergarten.

Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein, clinical psychologist and author of Sexism and Sensibility says that society teaches all of us to ignore the sexism that surrounds us. It’s not always the loud, obvious kind of sexism that does the most harm. Often, it’s the subtle, everyday assumptions that go unchecked—like these:

• Assuming girls are naturally more nurturing or helpful, so they’re the ones asked to “help with the younger kids” or “tidy up”
• Expecting boys to be tough and girls to be polite, even when both are feeling the same emotion
• Praising a girl for being “pretty,” “sweet,” or “well-behaved” more often than for being brave, curious, or assertive
• Interpreting a girl’s frustration as “attitude,” while labeling a boy’s frustration as “leadership” or “big feelings”
• Encouraging girls to “be careful” while encouraging boys to “go for it”
• Assuming dads handle sports and moms handle emotions
• Saying “you’re overreacting” when a girl names a boundary that makes others uncomfortable
• Calling girls “mature for their age” when they suppress their needs to keep the peace

Sound familiar?

Dr. Finkelstein invites us to build a “sexism detector,” a kind of inner alarm that notices when gendered biases shape our thoughts or behavior.

Our daughters are depending on us to learn how to recognize the invisible systems that condition both us and our daughters to play small.

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The Mixed Messages Girls Receive

The rules around girlhood are often contradictory. Be confident, but not bossy. Be kind, but not naïve. Be ambitious, but not intimidating.

These mixed messages show up everywhere—on playgrounds, in classrooms, even in the way we praise our kids. A boy who asserts himself is called “leader material.” A girl who does the same might be told to “take turns.”

Slowly, she learns that confidence comes with consequences. Over time, our girls learn that other people’s comfort matters more than their own.

This is how gender bias shapes identity. Not through one thing, but through thousands of tiny, accumulated moments. Years later, many women still feel that tug between authenticity and approval.

These subtle lessons leave a deep imprint, shaping how girls learn to manage emotion, seek approval, and measure their worth.

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The Emotional Cost of Gender Bias

When girls are criticized for being “too sensitive” or “too dramatic,” they internalize the idea that their feelings are a problem. When they’re praised primarily for being nice, quiet, or helpful, they equate love with compliance.

Research shows that this kind of conditioning contributes to perfectionism, anxiety, and self-doubt. Our strong little girls start to lose the connection between what their body craves and what they believe they're allowed to voice.

Most of us, at one point or another, had a felt sense in girlhood that said, Something’s not right for me.

And yet, we were not taught to trust that voice. Self-advocacy begins in the body. Before a girl can say “No,” she has to feel that “No.” Before she can set a boundary, she has to believe her discomfort is valid.

This is the pattern we’re here to interrupt. And it starts with how we respond to our daughters right now.

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How Mothers Can Help Right Now

Sexism is deeply woven into the fabric of modern life. But that doesn't mean that we simply give up and give in to its influence. After all, sexism harms everyone—women, girls, men, and boys alike.

With these small, daily choices, you can unlearn your patriarchal conditioning and communicate something radically different to your daughter.

1. Name What You See

When you notice bias in media, school, or family life, say it out loud.

“Interesting how that movie shows the boy saving the girl again.”
“This rule seems unfair. Why do you think it’s different for girls?”

Naming it breaks the silence. It tells your daughter that her intuition is right when something feels off.

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2. Validate Emotion, Not Appearance

Girls hear constant feedback about how they look. Shift your focus to how they feel.

“I can see you’re proud of what you built.”
“You worked hard and stayed with it.”

When you validate effort and emotion, you reinforce her internal compass instead of the external gaze.

3. Share Power in Daily Life

Give your daughter real choices and a voice in decisions that affect her—what to wear, how to spend free time, how to resolve a disagreement.

"How do you feel in that dress? That's more important than how I feel about you wearing it."

When parents model collaboration instead of control, kids learn that leadership includes listening.

4. Audit Your Language

Phrases like “be nice,” “don’t be rude,” or “you’re overreacting” can unintentionally teach girls that politeness is more important than honesty. Replace them with:

“Try that again with kindness.”
“Take a breath and tell me what you need.”
“Your feelings make sense. Let’s talk about what happened.”

By shifting your language, you still hold her accountable for how she shows up in the world, without all of your patriarchal conditioning and biases.

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Raising Girls Who Speak Up and Self-Advocate

Confidence grows through practice. Encourage your daughter to use her voice even in small moments—ordering her own meal, saying no to a game she doesn't like, asking a teacher for help.

Teach her that advocacy can take many different shapes. Sometimes it's bold and assertive: “I’m not comfortable with that.”

Sometimes it's a clear, direct question: “Can you help me understand why that rule only applies to girls?”

Girls who learn to speak up and self-advocate grow into women with an unshakable sense of self-worth.

And that same confidence begins with how she experiences consent at home.

That's why children's mental health experts like myself always say: teach consent early—not only about bodies but also emotions and space.

“You don’t have to hug if you don’t want to.”
“You can tell me when you need time alone.”

These moments build trust in her voice and respect for others’ boundaries.

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Repairing Our Own Conditioning as Mothers

Many mothers realize, especially when raising daughters, that they’re still healing from their own patriarchal indoctrination. You might notice guilt for saying no, discomfort with taking up space, or a reflex to smooth things over when conflict arises.

Awareness is the first step toward healing these wounds. Every time you pause before silencing yourself—or your child—you’re interrupting generations of conditioning.

Practice what feminist thinkers call microfeminism: small, consistent acts that center equality at home.

• Rotate chores so gender doesn’t dictate who cleans or fixes things.
• Let your daughter see you rest, set boundaries, and pursue joy for yourself.
• Use inclusive language—say “firefighter” instead of “fireman,” “partner” instead of “husband.”
• Refer to mixed-gender groups as "girls" or "folks" instead of "guys" as the default.

These micro-acts, repeated over time, show your daughter that equality is a daily practice—one that asks each of us to consciously unlearn the ways inequality has been woven into our psyches for thousands of years.

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Help Your Daughters Today to Shape Culture Tomorrow

Every empowered girl reshapes the culture that once constrained her. And it starts at home—with how we listen, how we lead, and how we model voice and truth.

Sexism is sustained not only by those who act unjustly, but by those who stay silent. Your daughter is watching how you speak up, how you set boundaries, and how you honor your own voice.

Each time you choose authenticity over compliance to a system that defaults to keep you small, you teach her that she’s allowed to be real.

Each time you name the subtle ways sexism shows up, you help open her eyes to the invisible chains so her confidence takes root in something far more grounded: herself.

Raising confident girls isn’t about shielding them from the world; it’s about preparing them to walk through it—with courage, clarity, and self-respect. And that work begins with you.

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Come to Class: Protecting Our Daughters From Sexism

Grow with us inside the Conscious Mommy Community. In Protecting Our Daughters from Sexism, you’ll learn how to spot gender bias before it takes root—and walk away with the language, scripts, and tools to help your daughter grow into a woman who trusts her own voice.

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Relevant Resources:

🔗 Protecting Your Son from the Manosphere Exclusive Access inside the Conscious Mommy Community

📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.

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