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Your son used to talk about Minecraft and Pokémon cards.
Now you’re hearing things like “alpha male,” “real men don’t cry,” or even Andrew Tate quotes, like:
- "I think the women belong to the man." (Source). This quote reinforces the red-pill narrative that women are possessions and perpetuates unequal gender roles that devalue empathy, mutual respect, and autonomy.
- “Slap, slap, grab, choke, shut up b*tch, sex.” (Source).This quote normalizes violence and aggression toward women under the guise of dominance and control, a message that our sons are likely to encounter without understanding its real-world implications.
- "I don't believe in depression. I don't believe it's real. You cannot be depressed." (Source). This quote directly undermines emotional literacy, mental health awareness, and the legitimacy of emotional vulnerability – all of which are essential for healthy masculinity. It reinforces a dangerous idea that “real men” don’t struggle, feel, or seek help.
Tate’s repeated denial of mental health struggles, his mockery of emotional expression as weak and inferior, and his consistent harmful, dehumanizing message toward women and girls contributes to a cultural script that says boys must toughen up, stay silent, never admit when they’re hurting – and blame the women and girls in their lives for their pain.
Whether you have young sons and you haven't faced this (yet), or your boys are now tweens and teens – collectively...I think we're all wondering:
What's happening with our boys?
Where is all this coming from?
What can we do to protect our kids from this type of ideological indoctrination?
In recent years, the internet has become one of the most powerful influences on your child’s development. Social media platforms like Snapchat, YouTube, and TikTok have significantly impacted boys and girls – often in different ways.
For boys, the impact is particularly concerning when they’re feeling insecure, disconnected, or unsure of who they are. That’s when they’re most vulnerable to harmful content that promises identity, power, and belonging. This is why the Manosphere – a collection of online communities promoting toxic masculinity and misogyny – has become a growing focus among researchers and mental health professionals.
The Manosphere speaks to the strength our sons want to feel internally. And offers a communal way of viewing the world that gives them a sense of belonging.
This is not a message about controlling your child's screen time. This is much deeper than that.
This is my plea to you to help you understand the messages your son is absorbing from social media algorithms designed to reward outrage, dominance, and gender-based control.
What he sees online shapes his beliefs about power, masculinity, and relationships. And every platform is flooded with red-pill influencers who glorify misogyny, manipulate emotions, and reject empathy as weakness.
But here's what you need to know:
This isn’t your fault.
This is happening because there’s a billion-dollar content engine targeting young, impressionable boys – most of whom are simply trying to feel less alone. Who are trying to understand the world around them.
So how do you protect your son from harmful content without pushing him away?
Let’s break it down.
What Is the Red Pill Ideology and Why Is It So Harmful?
The “red pill” began as a metaphor from The Matrix – but it’s been twisted into something far more toxic. In online communities shaped by Manosphere ideology, “taking the red pill” means waking up to the supposed truth that society is rigged against men and for women.
This ideology claims that:
- Feminism has ruined gender roles.
- Men must dominate to thrive.
- Women are manipulative and untrustworthy.
- Emotional vulnerability is weakness.
In other words, it’s a direct rejection of gender equality, empathy, and mental health support.
Red pill influencers like Andrew Tate lure boys in with a promise of power: If you act like an “alpha male,” you'll win respect, control, and women.
But what they’re really selling is disconnection. Disconnection from self. From others. From humanity. And it’s spreading fast. Like wildfire.
The Rise of Incels and the Real-World Violence It Fuels
A particularly dangerous corner of the Manosphere is the incel community. Incel is short for “involuntary celibate.” These are mostly young men who feel rejected, resentful, and entitled to sex and relationships. Incel ideology often blames women for male suffering, dehumanizes them, and glorifies violence as a form of revenge or reclamation of power.
And it’s not just online talk.
In the UK, authorities have linked a rise in adolescent knife attacks to online incel groups. Young boys — some as young as 13! — are being radicalized into violence through algorithm-driven exposure to hate-filled content that frames women as the enemy and violence as justified. (Source).
Red Pill, Manosphere, and Incel ideologies fuel real-world aggression, entitlement, and emotional numbing. This is a crisis for our sons – and our daughters. As a community of conscious parents, we cannot sit back and let this play out.
Unless we intervene early — with connection, emotional literacy, and well-timed conversations that support critical thinking — these ideologies will continue to reach boys who are simply searching for identity and belonging.
- In this 45-minute class, you’ll learn how to protect your son from the toxic messages of the manosphere – without shame, fear, or control. We’ll explore why this content is so appealing to boys, how to spot early warning signs, and what you can do to help your son stay emotionally safe, confident, and connected.
- This isn’t about politics. It’s about protection, development, and raising boys who know how to think critically, feel deeply, and love bravely. Get your questions answered and have deeper conversations with me on this topic inside our private membership.
Why Are Boys So Vulnerable to Misogynistic Content?
The Manosphere influence thrives when boys lack a strong sense of self. It feeds on their confusion, loneliness, and need for belonging, then manipulates those vulnerabilities with promises of status, superiority, and control.
At the same time, social media platforms are engineered to keep users engaged. And that often means promoting extreme content.
This is why our sons are so vulnerable to misogynistic content: their inherent need for validation and connection gets exploited by an algorithm designed to keep us angry. Because the angrier we feel, the more we scroll.
Media algorithms reward outrage, clickbait, and emotionally charged videos. The more your son watches, the more he gets fed.
And because boys are still developing emotionally, they may not recognize when content is manipulative or harmful.
Unfortunately, this is how the alpha male has become an aspiration for many impressionable growing tweens and teens.
The Boys Most At Risk Tend To Be:
- Sensitive, empathetic, or socially anxious
- Struggling with friendships or belonging
- Unsure how to express emotions like sadness, fear, or shame
- Spending long hours online, especially unsupervised
When a boy is feeling powerless, red pill content offers a shortcut to feeling in control. That’s what makes it so dangerous.
When boys feel disconnected, the Manosphere gives them someone to blame. But, when boys feel seen and safe, they don’t need a villain. Instead, they have a foundation of trust and security to build a healthier, more flexible world-view.
Teenagers as young as 13 are being exposed to misogynistic Andrew Tate videos on YouTube, according to a new report. The eSafety Commission found that YouTube’s algorithm recommends Tate’s content even to users without a watch history, making it easily accessible to young audiences. Many of the videos promote toxic masculinity, violence against women, and gendered hate, and were not age-restricted or demonetized, despite platform policies.
The report raises serious concerns about online safety, the spread of harmful gender content, and the lack of accountability by social media platforms. It highlights the urgency for better media literacy education (including a healthy digital life), parental awareness, and platform regulation to protect children — especially boys — from radicalization via the Manosphere.
What’s the Manosphere and How Does It Work?
The Manosphere is a loosely connected network of online communities made up of influencers, podcasts, forums, and social media content promoting toxic masculinity, anti-feminist beliefs, and distorted gender roles.
It includes:
- “Pick-up artist” culture
- MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way)
- Incels (involuntary celibates)
- Anti-women rhetoric disguised as self-improvement
These spaces don’t offer a thoughtful or honest conversation about a very real societal issue — the male loneliness epidemic. Instead, they’re filled with pain, sadness, and unprocessed shame, disguised as confidence and control.
Many Manosphere participants are struggling with rejection, loneliness, and confusion. But instead of teaching healthy emotional processing, they’re told to seek power, control, and dominance over others — especially women.
What Are the Warning Signs?
If your son is being influenced by the Manosphere or red-pill ideology, you might notice:
- Dismissive or critical language about girls or feminism
- Talk of “high value men” and “low value women”
- Obsession with alpha/beta male dynamics
- Extreme focus on money, status, or power
- Resistance to emotional expression
- Interest in Andrew Tate or similar influencers
- Sudden defiance, secrecy, or isolation
Keep in mind: this doesn’t mean your son is “bad.” It means he’s being influenced by harmful content.
If our sons are caught in the crossfire between what the Manosphere promises and the isolation it actually creates, what they need most is connection, attunement, and our support — not condemnation.
Step One: Give Him Language for His Inner Life
The less emotionally literate a boy is, the more vulnerable he becomes to radicalization. If he doesn’t know how to name loneliness, sadness, or insecurity, the internet will give him a script: Blame someone else. Be tough. Stay in control.
Instead, help him access his feelings with questions like:
- “You seem off today. What’s going on inside?”
- “Was that frustrating? Did it feel unfair?”
- “Do you want to talk, or do you just want me to be here with you?”
These moments teach him:
My emotions matter. I’m safe to feel them. I don’t need to numb out or dominate others to be okay.
Step Two: Be Curious, Not Condemning
When your son says something alarming like “Andrew Tate makes some good points,” your nervous system might scream, Shut it down!
But if you react with panic or shame, he’ll go underground. And once that door closes, it’s hard to reopen.
Stay open. Ask questions like:
- “What about that felt true to you?”
- “Do you think that kind of belief helps or harms people?”
- “What else could be going on in that video that we’re not seeing?”
Responding this way does not validate your child's worldview. It doesn't mean that you agree.
Instead, what you're doing is expanding your son's critical thinking skills. You’re helping him slow down, reflect, and get curious about the messages he’s absorbing.
As conscious parents, we don't want our sons (or daughters) internalizing any message without question. Learning how to question is the key to a healthier social media life.
Getting your son to think about what he's consuming helps your influence stay stronger than the algorithm's.
And, I don't know about you, but I want to make sure that I'm the one raising my boys...not the unfiltered internet.
Step Three: Feed Him Better Role Models
Red-pill influencers go viral because they fill a void. Boys are hungry for examples of strength, leadership, and purpose.
So let’s show them what real strength looks like.
Help him find:
- Emotionally attuned male mentors (coaches, family, teachers)
- Books, movies, and shows with caring, principled male characters
- Media platforms that showcase compassion, critical thinking, and integrity
- Conversations with adult men who lead with humility and respect
Boys don’t need more “alpha male” behavior.
They need models of healthy masculinity rooted in safety, respect, kindness, emotional integrity, and the courage to be vulnerable – even when it's hard.
Step Four: Watch His Digital Diet
You don’t need to spy, but you do need to stay aware.
Ask about what he’s watching. Watch it with him. Talk about what’s real and what’s distorted. Help him understand how media algorithms are designed to hook attention — not to offer truth or wisdom.
Questions to ask:
- “How did that video make you feel?”
- “What do you think the creator wanted you to believe?”
- “Do you think they were trying to get you upset or curious?”
Teach him media literacy, not just media limits.
And yes (and don't hate me for this...), but reduce screen time where you can. Even a few hours offline each day can help reset his nervous system and his attention span.
Step Five: Build Belonging Offline
The Manosphere thrives on isolation. So one of your best tools is helping your son experience community, connection, and shared meaning.
Encourage:
- In-person friendships and group activities
- Open conversations about gender, equality, and rights
- Creative outlets where he can express emotion (art, music, movement)
- Moments of shared presence with you, especially during transitions and challenges
If he feels like he belongs at home, he won’t go searching for identity in online communities that feed him hate.
But let’s be clear: The algorithm doesn’t wait for your son to go looking. It serves up this ideology, even when he hasn’t searched for it.
That’s a heavy burden to carry as a parent.
But if we keep the conversation open, grounded, and honest, we stand a fighting chance.
Step Six: Model Accountability and Integrity
If you want to protect your child from radicalized beliefs, authoritarian thinking, or extremist views, show them what healthy authority looks like.
This means:
- Owning your mistakes
- Repairing after rupture
- Listening even when you disagree
- Upholding boundaries with compassion
⭐️ I discuss all of these topics in my book, Parent Yourself First: Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids by Becoming the Parent You Wish You'd Had. Modeling healthy authority starts with healing your own relationship to power and repair. If you’re ready to raise emotionally secure kids in a world that’s constantly trying to pull them away from themselves, this book will show you how to begin.
In a world where boys are being taught that cruelty equals strength, you are teaching something radical:
That real strength is found in connection.
That gentleness is a form of power.
And that emotional safety isn’t a flaw. It’s the foundation for every healthy relationship.
Final Thoughts: You Are the Safest Place
Your son is growing up in a world that’s trying to define his masculinity for him. Loudly, carelessly, and often cruelly.
But none of that noise can replace the steady, attuned presence of a parent who is willing to see him clearly.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
You don’t have to protect him from everything.
You just have to stay close enough that he doesn't have to figure it all out alone.
How we raise our sons - especially in these historic times - is profoundly important.
We want them to lead, without the fear that someone is out to get them.
We want them to use their voice, without feeling the need to silence others.
We want them to be great listeners, without believing no one cares to hear them.
This is so delicate.
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Relevant Resources:
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📘Parent Yourself First: In stores now – order your copy and learn how to Raise Confident, Compassionate Kids By Becoming the Parent You Wish You’d Had. The guidance is practical, actionable, and straightforward. Your path to healing starts now.
